I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
