im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
