i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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