New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
