How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
