I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
