I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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