I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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