Welp...herpes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
