My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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