I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry about my life...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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