You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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