Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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