hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
