You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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