fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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