you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
