My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
