I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
