these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
