you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need water and some morals
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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