I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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