Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
