just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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