I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
