Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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