Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
