I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
