hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
