My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have aggressive nipples.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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