i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
