it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
