My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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