Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
