I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
