so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
