My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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