morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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