Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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