We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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