a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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