I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
