so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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