she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
