Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize