i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
