So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
