Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
