Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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