Just mADE A PArabola og urine
are you so shy because you have an std?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
