all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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