I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
