hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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