seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
