It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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