when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
