I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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