I heard we made out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
