And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
