you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
