yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
