Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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