Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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