Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
