Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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