so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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