she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
