OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
