Can Purell be used as lube?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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