I bet he comes in French.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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