I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
