The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
