Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
