also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
