Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
