last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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