You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
