But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
