shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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