At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
