All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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